Sometimes I’ll stop, look around, and think, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” I mean, I honestly can get so lost when it comes to life. I am constantly trying to watch what I say, do, think, watch, wear, read, eat…everything. There are so many rules and regulations that come along with simply living life. I am just trying to figure things out and praying that I don’t look too much like an idiot every day.
There is so much pressure from society to be perfect, or to at least act perfect–to put on a mask, telling me to hide my insecurities. I see the pressure to keep things bottled in and “stay strong.” To put up this wall that everything is and always will be OK. And then I lie to myself in order to sound convincing in the lies I tell others. Soon, I’m not sure what or who to believe anymore.
I look around at everybody else and think they have it all together, and I am the only one still very, very uncertain of things like college, jobs, and what I plan to do with the rest of my life. The only person still extremely confused about where lines should be drawn, hard and clear, because society keeps smudging and blurring them. But I have to act like I know what I’m doing, ‘cause I’m the only one.
This mindset I’ve had is dangerous because I am fed through peer pressure and societal norms that weakness is a bad thing, that it makes me undesirable or unneeded. They tell me to never cry because “it makes others uncomfortable” or to ignore my passions because “they aren’t cool; you won’t have any friends” or to limit the clothing on my body because “it’s the only way to be pretty” or to struggle through sin alone because “that’s personal.” No one wants to hear it anyway, why try to express myself?
A while back, someone once told me a truth that shattered that hurtful mentality: I don’t have it all together and I probably never will; but the surprising thing is, nobody else does either.
We are all just trying to keep our heads above water, hoping to stumble upon land. None of us knows all the answers, no one knows the ultimate outcome. Society tries it’s best to hide the brokenness, or to transform it into the norm, trying to avoid confrontation. But the problems are still there and always will be until they are resolved. So it’s OK to ask for help. It’s alright to be confused or not sure about what’s going on because we are not perfect. God created us to need Him and each other. We can’t do this alone.
–But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
-2 Corinthians 12:9–
We weren’t designed to.